- Lawrence "Chunk" Cohen
three things i'm thankful for today:
-will muschamp is set to take over the head coaching job at texas when mack "america's grandpa" brown steps down.
-the tiger eye sushi roll that james and i split at my le for lunch. as homer j. simpson would say, "the food wasn't undelicous." sooooooo good.
-the fall temperatures we've been enjoying lately.
anyone else? what's good in your life?
wow. over a week since my last post. i do apologize.
today's rant is not a new thought for me. the following subject has been a source of banter/trivial arguing for me on multiple occasions. but i'm in a mini blogging drought and needed to get some content up!
today's moot argument: gatorade rain is for metrosexuals*.
if you want flavored water (on my list of the worst inventions ever, btw), drink flavored water. if you want crystal light, drink crystal light. quit trying to butch up your preferences by buying a gatorade product. "rain"? seriously?! it's light, crisp, and refreshing in a way that doesn't coat your throat with manly phlegmy goodness. there's no room for that in the gatorade world. dr. robert cade, that old hillbilly scientist guy ("we called our stuff gator-aid."), i hope, had nothing to do with it. he may even have rolled over in his grave... but since righted himself while rolling over again for G2 (rain redux?).
gatorade is supposed to be thick. it's supposed to make you spit and clear your throat. no real man wants to replace their electrolytes the easy way. gatorade rain is for people who think lemon-lime gatorade is yellow (i.e. chicks and chickish dudes).
i've created an equation to illustrate my point here.
i have to assume that peyton manning and other athletes were contractually obligated to promote this dreck. if not, he should change his middle name to "not a real".
i mean what's next? hotwings 'n high tea? knit shotgun cozies? there were two genders in the garden people... and there are two genders today. some lines weren't meant to be blurred! thank you. carry on.
*note: i do not consider myself mr. macho manly man, either. i've never been hunting, i don't understand "mudding", and i have product in my hair. BUT this is my blog and my ridiculous opinion!
i keep getting emails with "bush kills michelle obama" as the subject.
i don't buy it. maybe when a credible spammer like welterweight b. magi (my all time favorite spammer) sends it to me. but for now i'm thinking it's a hoax.
trivial pursuit just released a 25th anniversary edition with a new gimmick: levels of difficulty.
blech. to me, the point of trivial pursuit is to pursue trivial knowledge. the definition of trivia points to non-essential knowledge. you know it or you don't. there is one degree of difficulty: it's in your head or it's not.
when my bff, randy, and i were battling our parents' sunday school class back in the day in a game of trivial pursuit (original genus* edition, i believe), we had no idea that fallen norse warriors spent their afterlife in valhalla (we do now!). we missed that question, but we won the game! AND every question had the same degree of difficulty.
according to wikipedia, folks in the UK have been claiming that trivial pursuit has been dumbing down for a while. if i didn't agree before, i sure as heck do now. if you want lots of cream puff questions so you can play with the kiddos, play one of the junior or kids editions. if you wanna teach your kids the cold, hard truth of trivia, play the real deal. you win some, you lose some... you know it or you don't.
i don't have kids, so i can be mean like that. i got beat at phase 10 by my 7 year old niece, fair and square. randy and i beat our parents and their friends at trivial pursuit when we were in high school. it's all good.
think of it as the circle of life, game style. some days you get the bear, some days the bear gets you.
*yes, it's "genus" NOT "genius". you know you're in trouble when you bust out the trivial pursuit game box and, even though you let "trivia pursuit" slide when you heard it, "oh no! GENIUS IV edition?!?!?" just makes you cringe.
trusting in God's sovereignty and praying for a prophetic perspective and the promotion of the Gospel ...
today, november 1, is my older brother's birthday. i think he gave me a shout out or two via blog in the past. now i get to return the favor.
my brother is a loving father/husband/son/son-in-law/uncle/brother, someone i can always go to for advice, one of two people i know personally who is smart enough to have been through seminary, even though he hasn't, a gifted (PUBLISHED!) author, committed & passionate crusader for Christ's bride, proclaimer of the Gospel, and what every good Royal Ambassador pledges to become... a well informed, responsible follower of Christ. here's to you, bro!
i'm not cussing, euro style. that's just how i'd describe the brief low-light of my yesterday: a bloody hell. don't worry, this blog won't be my dear diary. but my life is SO boring that when something strange, crazy, or even slightly out of the norm occurs, you're gonna "hear" about it.
ya know how when things go from "fine" to "what the heck?!" in no time flat and without warning it seems like the worst thing ever? that's where i found myself for a few painstaking minutes yesterday.
DISCLAIMER: if you get squeamish from just reading about blood, you might wanna stop reading.
let me set the scene... i like to go to AMC's A.M.Cinema ($5 movies before noon!) on my days off and sometimes, when i don't head out to see the 'rents, indulge in all-i-can-eat mediocre chinese food. yesterday was progressing along just fine. movie: check, chinese food: check, pay the check and leave: massive nosebleed. yeah, pretty awesome. i've been sick lately. started with a sore throat, congestion, cough, drainage, pressure, etc. followed. so, i've been popping otc remedies to clear out. said remedies also dried me out. combining the arid sahara of my nasal passage with the still necessary and constant nose blowing created the most realistic halloween costume i've ever had. i blow the old schnoz, look down to sign the receipt, and notice that blood... my blood has dripped down the front of my WHITE brian regan shirt and is now sprinkling my credit card! fun times!
so, i shove some tissue up there and wait. not going away ... more tissue, more waiting. at this point i'm thoroughly embarrassed. i feel flush (which means more blood to the head, not helping). apparently the waitress didn't notice the blood when she dropped off the ticket because when she came back, she reacted.
her: "oh. you're bleeding."
her: "i get you some napkins."
she comes back, still not much stoppage.
her: "i bring you some ice."
she brings me some ice in a plastic bag.
her: "put on forehead."
me: "on my forehead?"
her: "yeah. it work. chinese way."
so i apply the ice pack to my forehead, which is painful since my head is hot from being embarrassed/flush. as i wait a few thoughts go through my head:
i'm supposed to be helping darren build a box maze right now ... my brian regan shirt is ruined ... how and how soon can i get out of here ... guess i won't be getting an ice cream cone.
finally the bleeding stops. i sign the receipt (bigger tip for dealing with my wound) and hurriedly leave. then, i jet home to change, collect myself, and maybe salvage my brian regan shirt before i head up to the church (having missed box maze time) to join riley in 249 drive-in set up.
i'm at a breaking point. things can only turn up from here, right? wrong. here comes insult to injury. i still have the ice pack the waitress gave me. i decide to use some of the condensation from the bag to clean the dried blood from my face & hands. apparently, this is not a normal plastic baggy but a water soluble, quick dissolving, form of plastic! the water bewilderingly spills all over my lap and car. i think i even spoke this aloud: "are you kidding me?!"
to top it all off, i had to pee and i was bogged down in school/construction traffic. man, alexander never had a day like this!
actually, things did get better after that. and i googled "blood stains" ... looks like my brian regan shirt might make it, after all!