"No! Try not. Do or do not. There is no try."

- Yoda
if you see only one version of forrest gump this year...

just saw this on talk show with spike feresten.




the only place i found that still had the video up was linked to college humor (a site that i do NOT vouch for or recommend)... no telling how long it will be up. if the video is gone, you can watch it here.


a few recent, related observations

-driving on houston's interstates provides compelling evidence for the total depravity of man

-ez-tag really does make it ez-er to drive downtown (came in handy this week while i was minister-on-call)

-st. luke's at the med center is not as easy to navigate as methodist hospital at the med center (even with their convenient color coded elevators)

-i really want to check out hermann park more extensively (even if i have to do so alone, which is likely!)

with friends like these, who needs rescue 911?

so i have this friend. for confidentiality's sake, we'll call him mhil (short for mhillip). mhil is my best friend from college. he's one of a VERY few people i stay in contact with (outside of facebook, natch). i don't think he reads my blog. i don't think hardly anyone reads it so, either way, i feel ok writing about him. plus, i'd say all of this to his face (and have).

mhil is "that" friend that always seems to get injured. no matter how docile the event seems to be, mhil is going down. he was always the guy to take a frisbee, volleyball, football, what-have-you to the nether region. i remember one time his hand being closed (completely) in a car door and him, miraculously, escaping with nary a scratch. i seriously do not know how he wasn't hurt. but it goes beyond that. mhil wasn't just most likely to end up on america's funniest home videos, he's had some whoppers too.

a few years ago a moving truck backed into him, pinning him against a dumpster and nearly crushed his legs. he was more than scratched on that occasion. i THINK (this may be "tall tale" time) he got hooked by another person in his fishing boat once or had to dive in after a rod/reel or something crazy. he fishes a lot, so those may both be true! when he was in africa on a mission trip, he broke his ankle/foot playing soccer with the locals.

anyway, it's always something! he'll tell me these things and i think "that could and would only happen to you, mhil!"

most recently, mhil broke his nose... playing ping pong.

apparently, his doubles partner had an overly aggressive back swing and follow through. once gain, mhil was in the wrong place at the wrong time.... only mhil.

so, here's to you, mhil. i'm sorry God has chosen you for such crazy accidents, but i'm glad you've made it through each and every one!

it's a dog day afternoon

weak breed

i keep seeing these "lost dog" signs for chihuahuas offering $500 or more as a reward upon return.

people... please. it's a chihuahua.* in my experience with a loving family dog, it will return home on its own, if physically possible. our dog would always come back to the hand that fed it... or at least to the neighbor's flower beds. (if you've had a legit breed of dog run away and not come back, something unfortunate must have happened OR you didn't earn its respect... i'll let you decide that.)

this leads me to a few theories on why so many chihuahuas stay missing.

1 - chihuahuas are a small, weak breed. more susceptible to injury in the "wild".

2 - perhaps chihuahuas are not that into you, being almost cat-like in their indifference to their owners.

3 - they freeze up like fainting goats and can't move. they are definitely the most paranoid breed i've ever encountered.

4 - they spend too much time in dog purses. if they get a chance to run, they're not looking back. my cousin got a dog stroller for christmas. ridiculous. THEY HAVE 4 LEGS, IT'S NOT A BURDEN.

would a new dog really cost that much more than $500? if so, i recommend you upgrade to a cheaper, more loyal, and heartier breed.

speaking of less hearty breeds... i think the word is spreading that my apt. complex is yapper friendly. my place seems to be surrounded by 'em. they serve as futile sentinels, who switch into ballistic-90-barks-per-minute hysteria at the drop of a hat. not cool. i'm pretty sure "pomeranian" comes from root words meaning effeminate demon rats.

*note: my beef is with offering such a hefty reward for such a lame breed, not for simply offering a reward for a lost dog... of course, anyone who can drop $500 to get a used dog back when they could buy a brand new one must have money to burn. i know how much a dog can mean to a family, but at some point, you gotta draw a line!

for better or worse

i never gave up on snl. of course, i started watching live eps in the late 80s after the anthony michael-hall, terry sweeny years. not sure i would have lasted through those.

my appreciation really intensified after reading Live From New York: An Uncensored History of Saturday Night Live, as Told By Its Stars, Writers and Guests and Gasping for Airtime: Two Years In the Trenches of Saturday Night Live. it's crazy what goes into making each show... even the bad ones!

i'll admit. the show has had some really unfunny patches and REALLY UNFUNNY CAST MEMBERS, but each season has had a few cast members who are just funny to watch... even in unfunny skits.

most recently, thanks to tina fey's palin sketches, the masses are tuning in again. while the show is not the best it's ever been, i'm still watching AND still laughing thanks in large part to kristen wiig. everyone knows she's the goldmine on the show and it can get annoying seeing her featured so prominently in so many sketches. give her a break. she's done so many characters that they're starting to overlap. please, snl, use her sparingly. i could have done without gilly this past week... but not without her kathy lee gifford impersonation! check it out below.

WARNING: PG-13 (i wanted to rate it so no one gets offended. i've been more sensitive after our student ministry took heat for showing remember the titans on the way to camp several years ago.) also, i tried to use hulu's clip editing feature to get rid of the pelvic thrusting at the end, but i'm not sure it's working every time or at all. so when doogie shows up, you can stop after he "krunks it" and save yourself the blushing.



while the chases, hartmans, ferrells, murrays, murphys, feys and poehlers are gone, the current cast (in addition to wiig) has some really solid performers (hader, sudekis, thompson) who shouldn't be ignored and the new chicks (elliot and watkins) seem promising, too.

granted, the show ain't what it could be and i fast forward through 99.9% of the musical guests. but i'm committed to this relationship. a 34-year-old show should be allowed some misses. snl at it's worst was still better than mad tv, imo.

wilsonian, out.

5 greats/faves: val kilmer edition

- the prince of egypt

- top gun

- willow

- real genius

- tombstone

*honorable mention - heat (he didn't add as much to this movie as he did to the others, as memory serves. plus he went on to voice KITT... blech. had to take points away somewhere.)